Couples Counseling

Are you struggling with relationship issues?
Do you have relationship patterns that continually re-occur leaving you feeling hurt, sad, and like there is something wrong with you?
Are you having a hard time finding the right partner, or getting along with the partner you have?
Maybe you feel like you are just not good at relationships and you need help learning to date in a healthy fashion?
Do you wish your marriage was more fulfilling?
Are you tired of fighting and poor communication and wonder “what happened to us?”

relational life therapy

When you are struggling with any of these issues, it can be hard to figure out what to do next. Your problems may be far more normal than you think. Relationships are hard and so often people just haven’t been taught the skills necessary to maintain closeness and navigate conflict. We all struggle with relationships. Unfortunately people are often embarrassed or ashamed to get help. This is unfortunate because couples counseling can make a tremendous difference. It could save your marriage, give you the closeness you have longed for, and help you understand and disrupt patterns that have caused years of pain and frustration. Couples counseling can bring a deeper sense of peace, satisfaction, and security into your life. It can also be exciting and even heal old childhood wounds. It can give you concrete skills and action with steps to experience greater closeness and to be the person you want to be in relationship. If you have children, couples counseling can dramatically improve their lives as well. So often parental conflict impacts children. It can cause them stress and make them feel like they are at fault, and/or that they have to take sides. Couples counseling can allow your kids to be kids.

Finding the right couples counselor

Finding the right couples counselor in Fort Collins can be intimidating. There is so much at stake! Couples counseling can be extremely rewarding, but it can also stir up a lot. Therefore, it’s important that a couple’s counselor is not afraid of conflict and can manage conflict safely and constructively. Couples need lots of support and encouragement when dealing with some of the pain that can be initially felt when healing. Not only does the counselor you choose need to be skilled; they also need to be warm, compassionate, and truthful. Counseling is most rewarding when it is much more than venting; when it’s about getting real skills and coaching to make lasting change. For many people, couples counseling can be quite scary and men and women tend to navigate counseling differently from one another. I have been fortunate that so many couples in Fort Collins have trusted me to help them improve their relationships. They have taught me how to honor the individual needs of all involved while still supporting the relationship as a whole. My approach to couples counseling is unique in that I tend to be very forthright as well as compassionate. Being a mediator has given me skills to transform conflict and create maximum emotional safety while dealing with challenging issues. As a trauma therapist, I can help you understand how past trauma impacts your relationship today, and help heal that trauma so that you can be more fully present to those you love.

What will happen in couples counseling?

You will tell your story, and most importantly what your goals for counseling are. Together we work towards achieving those goals primarily thru talk therapy, education and coaching. My focus will be to help you understand the destructive patterns you have fallen into, to help you understand where they came from, and most importantly to help develop new ones that support intimacy. Often times I will give you simple homework and may recommend books for you to read. Although you will do most of the talking, I will manage the conversations so that they are constructive, and so that you are not simply re-hashing old arguments and concerns. I will also do a fair amount of educational work to help you understand what we know does and does not work in relationship. The process will be both emotionally safe and real. I will be very transparent and respectful with you and do my best to model compassionate and forthright communication. Because trauma almost always impacts relationships, we may do Brainspotting to treat trauma as well. One of my main influences as a couple’s counselor has been Terrance Real who started Relational Life Therapy (RLT). (For more about Terrance Real visit: https://www.terryreal.com/about/.) I am in the process of becoming a certified RLT Therapist. You may want to watch some of his videos on YouTube or glance at one of his books. The one I often recommend is, The New Rules For Marriage.

Could couples counseling make things worse?

Couples counseling may be hard, but it is generally very rewarding. It doesn’t create problems that don’t exist; rather it sheds light on those that do. My goal as a counselor is to expose conflict and help you navigate it in a safe and productive fashion, improve communication and craft techniques for living together with greater love, respect, understanding,

Can you help us with parenting issues?

Absolutely! We all know children don’t come with manuals and that parenting creates huge challenges. Getting skilled help parenting can be invaluable. Working on parenting issues is one of the most rewarding things I do. Often times the same family of origin issues that cause problems with intimacy, communication, and navigating conflict, impact parenting styles. Having worked with so many children, at risk youth, and as a Court Appointed Parent Coordinator/Decision Maker, I have a unique perspective on parenting and supporting health and resiliency in kids. Learning new skills for parenting, having someone to help you resolve conflict over parenting issues, and having a knowledgeable professional to simply bounce ideas off of, can bring tremendous peace of mind. Being on the same page parenting does more than just help your kids. It can also be a critical factor in creating and sustaining intimacy.

Do you work with specific populations?

I work with people of all ages and sexual orientation. I work with both married and unmarried couples, as well as people of different nationalities.

If you would like to learn more, please contact me to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.